Accepting Limitations

Both yesterday and today, I woke up painfully aware of my limitations--physical limitations, at least. I'm sure I have many more I'm not even aware of. My fibromyalgia, diagnosed in 1998, has treated me fairly well over the years with occasional flare ups--I am grateful that, compared with many I know, my flare-ups have been limited. But in recent months it (fibro) has been less generous. These past two mornings have been no exception. Waking up, I have immediately realized, "I can't do a lot today.." and automatically begin adjusting my To-Do list in my head. What can I cross off before I even think I'll attempt it, what can I put off until a day when I feel better.. what do I absolutely have to accomplish, regardless of how I feel? And so I adjust the list, I try to get done what I have to get done, and I try and let go of the rest, guilt included.

In 2 Corinthians, chapter 12, Paul talks about weakness, and the famous "thorn in the flesh". This thorn, identity unknown, was something Paul wished would disappear. He "appealed to the Lord about it.." but the response he got was: "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." (12:9) Paul was gracious about his weaknesses, content to be weak for the sake of Christ, because then he was strong. (12:10) Thanks, Paul, for setting up such a high example!

I'm not always so gracious. I suppose on my better days, I don't resent the pain, I can see God at work, I accept the limitations. But then there are days like today, when I'm just not gracious about it.. I wake up wishing I had the energy of "normal" 35 year olds. I wake up wishing I could get at least an average amount of stuff done, without needing to rest in between tasks. I wake up wishing God would take away this thorn in my life. I wish Paul wouldn't have been so gracious about his "thorn", so I wouldn't feel so guilty about not accepting mine.

But so far, this thorn--fibromyalgia--is here to stay. So, today, feeling gracious or otherwise, I have to accept the limitations I have, and go forward with the day. I'll accomplish what must get done, and as for the rest, I'll pray that tomorrow I feel better.. If I don't? Well, God's grace should be sufficient. At least to help me deal with the frustration of having to accept limitations.