an adoption primer/the reasons i'm easily sad

We're adopting from China-no news there. Most who read this know this, and if you did not know it, you know it now.

Now the primer.

Dossier=the huge mountain of paperwork that adoptive parents go through. This can take about three months to compile, and includes retrieving copies of birth certificates (Jim's and mine), wedding certificate, reference letters, signed physical forms from doctors, etc.
Log In Date (LID) = the day that our Dossier is officially logged in with the CCAA (China Center of Adoption Affairs), in China. Our LID is January 12, 2006.
Referral Date = the day we receive a name/a few stats/an orphange photo of our Chinese daughter.
Travel Approval (TA) = the date we are given to travel to China....usually 6-8 weeks after referral date.
Expiration Dates = the dates on which some of our Dossier documents expire, and we have to have them renewed... costing us more money.

When we first began this process (June 2005), the referral time was 6-8 months, which was hard enough following painful years of infertility. Last November, the same weekend we found out our embryo transfer-our last hope of medical help with getting pregnant-we found out that the referral time was being extended. I can't remember exactly how long, at that point. And that's not important. Lately, since early summer I think, we've been told that the referral time is 13 months, and we should expect it to lengthen more. Well the other day we got official word that it has lengthened to 14 months, and will continue to lengthen more.

So, all summer we hoped that our Referral would come in February... traveling in March or April. Now, it seems that we won't get a referral until March, at the earliest date. I cannot believe this. I honestly cannot believe this. I feared it, I honestly did not think it would really get this long.

Oh, and by the way.. those expiration dates? They should have been fine, but as things are currently proceeding, they will expire before we travel to China, meaning that we have to pay over $700 to renew these documents.

Meanwhile friends get pregnant, friends have babies, friends get to spend money and time planning for babies, buying baby stuff... we get to wait...and watch...and hope that someday soon we get to spend money on a daughter instead of on renewing paperwork we have already spent money on.

These are the reasons I'm easily sad.