No profound thoughts, only random ones..

I've tried to write blog posts for the past week, and each draft I write is less than satisfactory. So I'm scratching them all and writing this one.. here's a summary of my life/thoughts this past week...

The bunnies are gone. We're hoping that's a good thing. Jo Ann took these photos of me trying to keep the bunnies in their nest.. The black rectangular bucket deal is a cover Jim put (on garden stakes) over the nest, so the rain wouldn't drown the babies.. as happened to us once in NJ. So, I tried to keep the babies in their nest, and it worked. They fell asleep while I held my hands over the nest. Either that or they pretended to sleep until I left. Regardless, they were gone the next morning, and I'm hoping they are safe somewhere else. I was laughing so hard, while lying on the ground, holding my hands over the bunny nest, realizing how ridiculous this whole saga is. What can I say..? I love animals, and I love babies.

Speaking of babies, it's been a hard week on that front. Some nieces and nephews (from two families) were getting together this past week, and I am frankly jealous that I don't have a kid their age to play with them at this stage. My birthday came and went, and I don't like the fact that I'm 36. Age never used to bother me, until we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. And until my body began to feel like it's much older than 30's, thanks to my friend Fibro. I've spent a lot of time this week mourning the loss of our 19 embryos last year, and again, the loss of some dreams.. and wondering if we will ever get a Chinese daughter. I have to admit, I'm a little fearful that since we're in the process, China will stop adoptions all together. Adoption agencies are not predicting this..I repeat, adoption agencies are not predicting this! I only know our luck, and cannot believe it will actually happen for us.

Which leads to more thoughts of the week... I miss the days of simple faith. I miss the days when I could actually trust, simply trust, that God would work things out before the end. People often say "things will all work out in the end".. well, yeah! I know who wins in the end.. But I want things to work out before the end, and I'm just not sure they're going to. So I'm missing my days of simple faith. I miss the days when I bounced back quickly from disappointment and pain and rough times.. I miss the days when most church hymns and songs didn't make me tear up, and not in joyful ways... I miss the days when I was the positive one, viewing "life's-not-going-as-planned" events as God things... good God things.., not the feeling that God's playing cosmic jokes on us. So, that's that..

Jo Ann came up last weekend, and we were busy, but had fun. We hung out at Barriques, twice.. we went to fireworks, twice.. the first time got cancelled. We hung out with Sho and Wich (our international students) and Jim. We cooked and baked! Shocking, I know, but becoming less shocking with each meal I cook. Last weekend it was Swiss Chard Pie (in other words, quiche)...strawberry shortcake...Thai Basil Chicken... mmm mmm good. (Tonight I made Swiss Chard Polenta.) And we went to see "Harry Potter" at the outdoor cinema overlooking Lake Mendota, but.. too crowded, and too small a screen. So we just walked around Memorial Union instead, then returned home.

Last night we saw our new neighbor friend. New, as in new friend, not new neighbor.. Ages ago, she and I agreed that we should take walks together. So hopefully soon we'll do that. I love getting to know our neighbors. Absolutely love it. And I miss some old neighbors in New Jersey..

Tomorrow I leave for Calvin Seminary for the week, for my Preacher's Workshop. I'm nervous, excited, panicking, and fine all at once. And not completely packed yet. Almost packed, which is also shocking. But I'm thrilled by the looks of the conference center I'll be staying at, so if the Preacher's Workshop is as frightening as I sometimes imagine it being, I'll at least have a nice place to go freak out in!