Packers Fan? Eeeeesh...

I don't want to root for the Green Bay Packers this season. It's not that I'm an avid football fan. But in the past I have cheered for the Minnesota Vikings, out of loyalty to my husband's home state. But this year I might root for the Packers-at least for a few games. Just for Connie.

Connie died Saturday evening, and NFL aside, I'm having a hard time accepting her death. I struggle to agree so quickly with others that this is a good thing-that her earthly pain was such that she is much better now.. she's with God.. she's joined the church triumphant... she's in a better place. Well obviously! of course she's in a better place.. Hopefully most of us are going to that better place eventually. My struggle comes at no surprise to those who know me well: I wish God would make earth a better place for more people, instead of letting it be so dang difficult, then letting them die. I know, I don't need to understand, just trust. God's ways are better than our ways.. I can't see the big picture.... good can come out of Connie's death. I know. I'm still sad. I'm sad because God didn't heal her of her cancer while she was on earth. I'm sad because she had a difficult life, and then she died. And I'm sad because I miss her.

Yesterday I missed her. I thought, for a split second before church, that she was coming up the aisle to give us hugs in the front row as she so often did. And I started to cry, then fought back tears the rest of the service. I miss Connie's enthusiasm, even in her sickness.. I miss her funny phrases, her smile and her fighting spirit as she talked about how much she hated the Cubs... and the Vikings.

Last year Connie knit Vikings colors hats for Jim and me. She told us it was a true labor of love, she hated the Vikings so much.. but she loved us so much she was willing to do it! So this season I think I'll root for the Packers for a few games at least... in memory of Connie.

But all sports aside, I miss her.