Forgiving....

I never thought I'd see this day. Several years ago a woman we knew hurt us and many people we know and love. It was an extremely painful and horrible situation with no resolution. (Though resolution and reconciliation was attempted many times.)

The other day I opened my church email, and there was an email from this lady, asking us to forgive her. I was stunned. I had forgiven her in the past-many times. Over and over, I'd told God that I forgave her... over and over, I asked God to help me remember that I forgave her. Over and over Jim and I prayed for her.. but to be perfectly honest, my heart still held some resentment. Everytime I thought about this lady, I wanted to scream, because I felt so betrayed.

So when I saw her email I didn't want to open it. I was afraid of two things: afraid she was just going to say something like, "Hey, how you doing?" and act like nothing ever happened.. and afraid she was going to ask for forgiveness. It was the latter. I started to cry, because though I feared it, I also wanted it. I felt relief. And I started to cry because my heart felt a heaviness that comes when you realize you actually have to do what you preach and recommend to others... you actually have to forgive. It's easy to talk about forgiveness when you don't think a person is ever going to seek it from you! It's a different story when they seek it.

But I did it. I forgave her, and I told her I forgave her, and it feels so much better. Is everything all honky-dory and resolved? No.. but I'm ok with that at this point. I am grateful to God for giving me this opportunity. I'm grateful to this woman for writing and seeking forgiveness. I'm grateful to all the people who have forgiven me many times over for all the mistakes I have made that may have contributed to their pain. And I'm grateful to God for forgiving me time and time again, everyday...