God's Postal Service

When we lived in New Jersey, everyone at our church knew how much we love snow. Still do. We made it known that we prayed for snow, despite the constant objections from those who do not like snow. We had our confirmation class pray for snow at the end of each session. They loved it—after all, snow equals snow days. Shortly after we moved to Wisconsin, New Jersey got the snow we had prayed for.. lots of it. I don’t recall the amounts, but it was just what we wanted—except we were in Wisconsin, where we did not get as much! Go figure. A friend from NJ called me one day and asked, “Did you inform God of your change of address?”

I think I need to send God an “I’ve moved” postcard today. As I sit and watch God answer my prayers—in others’ lives—I wonder if He’s a bit confused. I thought God’s postal service might be a bit more reliable than the US postal service.. and in my experience, the latter has certainly messed up, but they’re human beings working the system… God is God!

People tell me… there’s a reason… you’ll look back on this and be thankful…. Everything will work out… I know, I know, I know… it’s probably all true. The jury’s still out, though. Because through the pain of watching my prayers be answered in others’ lives, I forget that God supposedly has a good plan for me. His track record with the infertility and even adoption stuff hasn’t been the best, lately. Meanwhile, others get the answers to prayers I’ve been praying for years… and they don’t even have to wait. It happens immediately and, in some cases, without even asking.

I realize that my life has answers to others’ prayers—my single friends, for instance. And that’s not fair, either. None of us want a perfect life, free from problems. We’re more realistic than that. But when God seems to answer our prayers in others’ lives, we simply aren’t sure what to think. It feels as though God has forgotten us. Especially when it happens again and again.


I know God hasn’t forgotten. In fact, God has blessed me again and again over the past 30-something years… a loving husband and families, incredible friends, my dog, a church, a home… Thank you, God! And I know I’ll be a parent someday. Life’s cruel and painful reality is just hard to deal with some days, and this is one of those days. So in case God has temporarily mixed me up with someone else, I’m going to go write him a few postcards.

I thought I was cool....

but this title probably reveals how un-cool I am, because I doubt "cool" is even a cool word anymore!

Last week I chatted online with my niece (almost 16 yrs old) in Thailand for the first time. I was so impressed--with chatting, with my niece, with myself. I thought, late as I was, I had finally moved into this day and age.. I have a blog, I've learned to chat. I'm so cool I can hardly stand it.

This morning I talked with my brother-in-law, father to my niece.. I told him I had chatted with my niece the other night, and it was fun. He laughed, and said yeah, she reported at breakfast the next day, that she had chatted with me, then she added, "Obviously Aunt Cathy is new to chatting!" :)

I guess I'm not as cool as I thought I was. But I'm learning. I've asked my niece and 13-yr old nephew to help me with the chatting lingo.. we'll see what happens. They're patient, to say the least!

I'm still impressed with this day and age where I can chat--as new as I am to it--with my nieces and nephews in Thailand, where I can learn more about their lives than before last week when I depended on their very busy parents to fill me in... I'm loving it, even if I have a lot to learn.

Now it's time to return to something my nieces and nephews would probably not find cool--writing a sermon.

Praying for Easter

It's Easter Monday, and I'm praying for Easter. A friend said something to that effect the other day-that he's still praying for Easter-so I give him credit for that phrase. Or maybe he said "waiting for Easter", I can't remember. But I've been thinking about it since then. I've been praying for Easter for years, now. Three years ago at the beginning of Lent, a different friend said to me, "You are in your own long season of Lent, aren't you?" That was after one year of trying to get pregnant, shortly before the official diagnosis of "infertility", and in the middle of a difficult work situation. I thought it was the longest season of my life, and would surely be over soon. I thought both the difficult work situation and the infertility would eventually be resolved. Work was, infertility wasn't. Here I am, three years later, still in this long Lenten season that has certainly lasted more than 40 days. Good thing I didn't give anything up for this season!

Yesterday I preached about Easter, the resurrection of Christ. I talked about how we need to live the resurrection everyday. I try to do that-not just because I preached it, but because I believe it. I believe that the resurrection of Jesus Christ makes a difference in my life. I believe that even on my worst days, I can still have hope, because of Jesus Christ. Which means that even though Jim and I didn't get a baby miracle-and probably never will-and even though adoption is taking longer than we'd like, I still have hope. At least that's what I know I should believe.

But it's hard to hope anymore. It's hard to believe that this long season will ever end. Watching others get the results we've been praying for, it's tempting to stop praying. It's tempting to not hope, because hope deferred makes the heart sick. I think that's in Isaiah somewhere. I know I'm supposed to stay content, positive, and faithful. I have so much to be thankful for in my life, and I am so grateful, really. I know that in comparison to some people, my life is golden, and I'm receiving the prayer results that somebody else so desperately wants.

So, hard as it is, I still hope. Hope for what? I hope that this Lenten season is almost over. I hope that I can recognize Easter moments in everyday.. and I hope and pray that someday it will be our turn to announce our own personal good news.

Accepting Limitations

Both yesterday and today, I woke up painfully aware of my limitations--physical limitations, at least. I'm sure I have many more I'm not even aware of. My fibromyalgia, diagnosed in 1998, has treated me fairly well over the years with occasional flare ups--I am grateful that, compared with many I know, my flare-ups have been limited. But in recent months it (fibro) has been less generous. These past two mornings have been no exception. Waking up, I have immediately realized, "I can't do a lot today.." and automatically begin adjusting my To-Do list in my head. What can I cross off before I even think I'll attempt it, what can I put off until a day when I feel better.. what do I absolutely have to accomplish, regardless of how I feel? And so I adjust the list, I try to get done what I have to get done, and I try and let go of the rest, guilt included.

In 2 Corinthians, chapter 12, Paul talks about weakness, and the famous "thorn in the flesh". This thorn, identity unknown, was something Paul wished would disappear. He "appealed to the Lord about it.." but the response he got was: "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." (12:9) Paul was gracious about his weaknesses, content to be weak for the sake of Christ, because then he was strong. (12:10) Thanks, Paul, for setting up such a high example!

I'm not always so gracious. I suppose on my better days, I don't resent the pain, I can see God at work, I accept the limitations. But then there are days like today, when I'm just not gracious about it.. I wake up wishing I had the energy of "normal" 35 year olds. I wake up wishing I could get at least an average amount of stuff done, without needing to rest in between tasks. I wake up wishing God would take away this thorn in my life. I wish Paul wouldn't have been so gracious about his "thorn", so I wouldn't feel so guilty about not accepting mine.

But so far, this thorn--fibromyalgia--is here to stay. So, today, feeling gracious or otherwise, I have to accept the limitations I have, and go forward with the day. I'll accomplish what must get done, and as for the rest, I'll pray that tomorrow I feel better.. If I don't? Well, God's grace should be sufficient. At least to help me deal with the frustration of having to accept limitations.

Welcome.

Perspective is everything, some say. I'm not sure I'd go that far, but I agree that perspective is important. We all have our own perspectives on life, due to our individual experiences and circumstances. It makes for a fascinating world but it also creates a lot of misunderstanding. Walk in someone else's shoes for awhile and you gain more insight. You might not understand their exact perspective, but you would hopefully have more understanding for why that person is who she is, and why she responds to certain situations the way she does. It'd be interesting, to say the least.

My own life experiences and circumstances have shaped who I am today. And who I am today is not the same person I was ten years ago, five years ago, and even last year. Life has taken several turns--some good, some quite difficult. These turns have changed some of my thoughts on faith and life. And sometimes I simply want to share these thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Thus, I started a blog. I don't claim to have the correct perspective on everything. Nor do I claim to speak for all people who have similar experiences--everyone's different. I simply want to share my perspectives which, though not everything, as some say, are certainly important to me.

So, welcome.